Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Green mimosas i think yes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
