I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am one with the molecules
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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