my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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