In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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