New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
