I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
