He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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