i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
