You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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