You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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