but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
