Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
high people should be assigned attendants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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