If i come over, it means nothing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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