the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
