from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
