It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
