I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
