I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize