6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
