and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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