Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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