i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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