He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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