I think im going to throw up on grandma
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
