That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He did a backflip because drugs
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