If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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