R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize