oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
