when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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