Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dear god my vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
