i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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