Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
