i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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