FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
