do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
third nipple confirmed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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