Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
