i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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