Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
