At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wear drunk well.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
