i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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