I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
