dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
