if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
