I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
