I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
