Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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