oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
