Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
