Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
