please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
