Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
