i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
