toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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