sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
