I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize