sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
