i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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