Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
