Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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