Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
