i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
