You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
