I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
