I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
