I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
