Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
